the closest anyone will ever be to the inside of my brain my "me" Pinterest board
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Allan Nathan21/07/2026
Today I did some laundry and started a drawing I'm probably never gonna finish and watched Homecoming and a bunch of videos about Doomsday and read a chapter of Crime and punishment and I'm really fucking bored and wanna get pissed drunk or I'm gonna hit my head to the wall(jk lol). I'm a very nostalgic person which to me means that for any piece of media I consume there's a person or a memory behind, I let go of people very easily if I know that it's bad for me, the most recent example I have is my(now ex) best friend; he's in a very toxic relationship which of course he doesn't realise but me and our other friends and classmates do so we tried talking to him and when that didn't work we tried talking to his mom and to the school and all that resulted in him not talking to us anymore and his mom asking us basically not to stick our noses in his relationship anymore. I miss him so fucking much but I don't wanna know anything about him at all, I even threw away the drawings he made me, but I will personally be the first one to be there for him as soon as he realises how deep in shit he is, I wish I could do more to help him I really do but until he realises it will just end up hurting me.
I miss so many people, since my boyfriend from middle school to now this one friend, there's this one guy I used to be friends with, Luna, he was my best friend until I moved to a different school and we grew apart and he got a boyfriend, which I didn't notice at the time but made me so jealous, turns out he was into me too just that neither of us said anything until it was too late and he had a boyfriend and then he dissapeard for I don't know how long so I asked his mom if he was alright, the guy was fucking hospitalised and I had no idea and he said that "in respect of his boyfriend" we shouldn't be friends anymore, and like at that point we already barely talked at all but throw a frienship to the trash because of that??? I wasn't even into him anymore at that point so I think it's stupid, if he had just said "Hey I think we grow apart and don't wanna be your friend anymore" then fine, you know? But no he threw some bullshit about his boyfriend and like I wish them to last a long time and stuff but we were 15 no reltionship last at 15 but whatever, his choice. Worst part is I still think about him whenever I see anything from Marvel which fucking sucks because I'm a Spider-man fan, I see Marvel stuff all the time!
22/07/26
hello, it's now 2am and I can't sleep. I wanted to play Minecraft but for some reason I just can't, I installed Tlauncher but I can't create a world. Tomorrow(or I guess today) I'm going out with some friends(?) I'm not sure if I consider them friends or not but I am desperate to go out
I just spent more than half an hour fixing this shit because I fucked up when I added the link to the google docs and didn't know how to fix it but now it's done and I added a little stuff about my OC's, I'm gonna try to draw em so I can add something for you guys to see but I just wanna pass out and sleep now. Also don't judge the species they are too much I was 12 when I first created them
Hey, it's almost 1pm now and two of my friends cancelled and the one left is only gonna stay like 3 hours so that sucks, I could have gotten shit done if it was just a regular day but no since we were in theory going out I didn't do shit other than taking a shower and I don't have time to do anything before leaving. I'm watching Spider-man brand new day cast's interviews and Minecraft videos, I should probably eat or at least drink a coffee I went to bed at 3am last night
I feel so lonely which I know isn't true because I do talk with people at school and stuff but I need friends I need a girlfriend I'm pathetic, I had started talking with a guy not long ago, turns out he was the fucking equivalent to MAGA in my country... The guy was on fucking GRINDR what are you doing voting people that have literally said that homosexuals are pedophiles (proof) so of course I had to ghost him but now I have no one that wants me
Also I updated Java and I still can't play Minecraft idk what to do if anybody knows please messaje me on Instagram
I'm back, actually I've been back for like three hours but who cares. I did some laundry and folded and set in place some of my sister's clothes while she's away because I'm nice like that. The going out sucked, we did talk about the world cup and theories but she just kicked me out when a boy she's been talking with came, and that is rude right? I feel like that's rude, you're not supposed to make plans with two people on the same day much less tell one to go home to be with the other but whatever. I'm watching even more Minecraft videos and I organized my dresser a little bit and I don't know what to do now.
23/07/26
Good news I got it!!! have to play an older snap but it's okay I just want to terraform, I'm listening Edgar Allan Poe's stories narrated by Alberto Laiseca with the lights on because it's past midnight and I'm paranoid but I love Poe and the way Alberto narrates it so much it's fucking great.
24/07/26
Hello guys and girls and thems, it's almost 1AM and I remembered that I didn't post anything today so here's a little resume of my day:
I finally finished washing all of my clothes, it took me like a week, I played Minecraft and watched more Minecraft videos and more Spider-man stuff too and now I'm listening the Rocky Horror Picture Show songs. My mom said that I need to find a job or something and like I would love nothing more than having a job and my own money but I don't know how to! Every place asks for +18 and I'm fucking stupid. I've been in such a weird mood lately like I don't feel bad but it's weird like I'm not fully myself but I feel alright(?) might have something to do with the little amount of sleep I'm getting idk.
I think a lot about what I'm going to do with my life but I still have no idea, I know I gotta finish high school and go to univesity and get a job but it feels so far away and imposible, I think I only didn't pass one subject this semester and it should be easy to fix but I don't know, I procrastinate too much. Anyways goodnight, extra short today but I didn't want to not say anything and lose the habit
Hey so it's 2am and I didn't go to sleep after all, I'm reading fanfics and listening to MCR which makes me feel like a poser and evey time I listen it I remember Sam and that makes me sad and I'm sleepy but I don't wanna sleep and I wanna see my dad for some reason I don't understand, he's an ass. Maybe it's just that I feel lonely so my brain goes to someone it knows always will be there, even if not really when it matters. I wanna learn coding and draw digitaly so I can make this thing better looking and have some cool features, I'd like it if I could make it look like a book